英文笑話小短文篇一：英語幽默小短文

英語幽默小短文

The Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

英文笑話小短文篇二：英語笑話短文

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢�！�

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說�！霸俳o你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”

“她是個(gè)賣糖果的�！�

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f。

另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了

Text(正文):“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元�！�

“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元�！�

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了�！�

Rope or Ox?

The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered: "I am

out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home."

"But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home!"

"I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice there was an ox at the(來自:m.91mayou.com 蒲公 英文 摘:英文笑話小短文) other end of that rope."

繩子還是公牛？

在監(jiān)獄里，一個(gè)人問新來的犯人為什么被關(guān)進(jìn)來。新來的犯人回答說：“我想我真是倒霉。幾天前我在街上走的時(shí)候，看到一根臟繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿起來帶了回家�！�

“但是，撿一根繩子帶回家并不犯法�。　�

“我告訴過你我倒霉了吧？”那個(gè)人嘆了口氣，“麻煩的就是我沒有注意到繩子的那一頭還有一頭公牛�！�

2.

Six or Twelve?

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she?d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she?d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don?t think I could ever eat twelve.”

六還是十二？

一位金發(fā)女郎走進(jìn)一家比薩店，她說想要一個(gè)中比薩，店員問她希望把比薩切成六塊還是十二塊�！班�，天啊，請幫我切成六塊。”女郎說，“我可不認(rèn)為我可以吃得下十二塊。”

3.

Clean Glass

Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you?" the man behind the bar asked.

Joe looked at Fred and said, "Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?"

"Yes, that's all right." Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, "And I want it

in a clean glass! Don't forget that."

The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. "Which of you asked for the clean glass?"

干凈的杯子

喬和佛瑞德在一個(gè)村子里幫忙蓋一間房子。天氣很暖和，到處都有許多灰塵。12點(diǎn)半的時(shí)候，他們覺得非�？诳�，便停下來去吃午飯了。他們找到最近的一家酒吧，走進(jìn)去坐下吃他們的三文治。

“下午好，先生。你們想要點(diǎn)什么？”柜臺(tái)后面的伺應(yīng)問道。

喬看了看佛瑞德說：“我想，啤酒吧。對了，每人一品脫啤酒。這樣可以嗎，佛瑞德？”

“好的，可以�！狈鹑鸬抡f。然后他轉(zhuǎn)過去跟柜臺(tái)后面的伺應(yīng)說：“我要啤酒裝在一個(gè)干凈的杯子里！別忘了�！�

柜臺(tái)后面的伺應(yīng)倒?jié)M杯子后，拿給喬和佛瑞德，接著說：“剛才哪一位要干凈的杯子的？”

1.和買驢的人

A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses. The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."

中文：一個(gè)買主到市場上去買驢，他看中一頭外表不錯(cuò)的驢，但是他想要牽走試一試。他把驢牽回家，放在自己其他的驢之間，這驢四處看看，立即走向一頭好吃懶做的驢旁邊。于是，買驢的人立刻給那頭驢套上轡頭，牽去還給驢的賣主。賣主感到很奇怪，他問買主：“你怎么這么快就回來了？”買主說：“不必再試了，從他所選擇什么樣的朋友來看，我已經(jīng)知道他是什么樣了�！�

2.The Looney Bin

瘋?cè)嗽?/p>

Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽海﹐ne inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮�一個(gè)病人說："我是拿破侖！"另一個(gè)說："你怎么知道？"第一個(gè)人說："上帝對我說的！"一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來："我沒說！"

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚語）瘋子

（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄)）

（3）insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽海?/p>

3.A mother mouse

老鼠的第二語言也重要

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。 母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

英文笑話小短文篇三：英語短文故事(幽默笑話)

英語短文故事

短文一:

The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,

"That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 短文二：

During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S.

The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

短文三：

When I take a long time, I am slow.

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.

When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.

When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers.

When I do wrong, he never forgets.

短文四：

An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in

prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." 短文五:

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her

mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

短文六：

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den（私室，賊窩） . What is the big brass gong（鑼） and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?

Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!

短文七：

On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother．She see med glad，and presently said：

“Will you give me a stamp，daddy？I want to write and tell

brother Tom．”

The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school．Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen．He received something of a shock on reading the following：“Dear Tom， It's come off today．You've lost；it's a boy．” 短文八：

One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty？”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it．

A few minutes later，Peggy returned．Her mother asked what the dictionary had said．“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children．”“What do you think of that？” my wife asked．

“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied．“I've always been able to bear children．It's adults I can't bear．”

短文九：

There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved mightily．He was very saddened by the fact that he could

not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country．

Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor．The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return；she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed．Later，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his bed．He was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”．“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind！”

The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy．” 短文十：

It was a cold，raw day at Washington．Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor．The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius．Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply．They sallied forth．

“What time is it，Bub？They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met．“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply．

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