簡(jiǎn)短英語笑話
發(fā)布時(shí)間:2017-01-18 來源: 幽默笑話 點(diǎn)擊： 
簡(jiǎn)短英語笑話篇一：短篇英語笑話10則帶翻譯
短篇英語笑話10則帶翻譯
① Goldfish金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them!
=================================================================== 斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
弗雷德：你想在哪兒養(yǎng)它們？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時(shí)怎么辦？
斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！
② The Revenge 欺騙的代價(jià)
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
=================================================================== 老農(nóng)約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對(duì)妻子說：“我死后，我想你嫁給農(nóng)夫瓊斯�！� 妻子說：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁給任何人�！� 約翰遜：“但我希望你這么做�！� 妻子：“為什么？” 約翰遜：“因?yàn)榄偹乖谝还P販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”
③ I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只雞
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
=================================================================== 精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。
精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開始的？
病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開始。
④ How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出來
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"
===================================================================
當(dāng)空中小姐給乘客們發(fā)口香糖的時(shí)候，她解釋說口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機(jī)著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來呢？”
⑤ Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." =================================================================
一個(gè)英國人在鄉(xiāng)下開車時(shí)迷了路，他看見一個(gè)農(nóng)民正在附近的地里干
⑥ Why do you never phone me?你為什么不給我打電話？
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week." Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?" Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"
====================================================================== 我會(huì)告訴你這篇沒有中文翻譯嗎。。。
⑦ The Same Action Yields the Same Result相同的投資相同的結(jié)果
A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."
====================================================================== 有兩個(gè)獵人包機(jī)前往一座森林，到了以后，他們和飛行員約定好兩周后來接。兩周后，他們射了許多動(dòng)物，而且打算把這些動(dòng)物全部搬上那架小飛機(jī)，可是飛行員說：“這架飛機(jī)除了
一頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。你們必須把其他的獵物都留下�！� 獵人說：“但是去年另一個(gè)飛行員開一樣的飛機(jī)，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有一些其他的動(dòng)物上機(jī)！” 因?yàn)樗麄冞@樣抗議，所以那個(gè)新飛行員想了一想后，盡管還是有點(diǎn)存疑，最后還是妥協(xié)說：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年應(yīng)該也可以�！彼运b了兩頭水牛和一些其他的動(dòng)物。結(jié)果飛機(jī)起飛五分鐘后，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個(gè)人從飛機(jī)爬出來看了看四周，其中一個(gè)獵人對(duì)另一個(gè)說：“你認(rèn)為我們現(xiàn)在在哪兒？” 那個(gè)人瞧了一下，說：“我想大概距離去年墜機(jī)的地方西邊一英哩遠(yuǎn)！”
⑧ Chief is at the wedding 長官在婚禮上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."
====================================================================== 大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了�！暗蔷佟边@個(gè)人說道，“我可以解釋的”。 “保持安靜”，警察突然說道�！拔覍涯闼屯O(jiān)獄，直到長官回來。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我說過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了�！睅仔r(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來的�！� “你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說道�！拔揖褪切吕裳健�。
⑨ Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
====================================================================== 父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現(xiàn)在我想問你個(gè)問題。你們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對(duì)，你知道！想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫字時(shí)，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
⑩ Two Birds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
====================================================================== 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請(qǐng)說說看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
簡(jiǎn)短英語笑話篇二：簡(jiǎn)單的英語笑話帶翻譯
Blonde's Appendicitis-金發(fā)美女的闌尾炎
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
一個(gè)金發(fā)美女的腹部側(cè)面感到劇痛。醫(yī)生檢查之后告訴他：“你得了急性闌尾炎。（金發(fā)美女聽成acute 以為是a cute，一個(gè)可愛的闌尾炎）”
金發(fā)美女說：“您真貼心，醫(yī)生，但是我是來求醫(yī)的�！�
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus 小強(qiáng)尼-尋找耶穌
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."Mary answers, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this."Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"一名主日學(xué)校的老師擔(dān)心他的學(xué)生們有可能對(duì)耶穌感到困惑，于是他問他的學(xué)生們：“耶穌今天在哪里？”斯蒂芬舉起他的手，說道：“他在天堂�！爆旣惢卮穑骸八谖倚睦铩！毙�(qiáng)尼用力揮了揮手，脫口而出：“他在我們?cè)∈依�！”大吃一驚的老師問小強(qiáng)尼他怎么知道這個(gè)�！斑@個(gè)嘛，”小強(qiáng)尼說：“每天早上，我父親起床后，都會(huì)敲浴室的門喊著?基督-耶穌，你還在里面�。�?”
Little Johnny... Know It All 小強(qiáng)尼什么都知道
Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"小強(qiáng)尼問他母親的年齡是多少。她回答道：“紳士們是不會(huì)問女士們這個(gè)問題的�！庇谑菑�(qiáng)尼問他母親她的體重是多少。他的母親再一次回答：“紳士們是不會(huì)問女士們這個(gè)問題的�！庇谑沁@孩紙問：“為什么爸爸離開了你？”對(duì)于這個(gè)問題，這位母親說：“你不應(yīng)該問這個(gè)問題�！比缓蟀阉突厮约旱姆块g。在走的時(shí)候，強(qiáng)尼被他母親的錢包絆倒。當(dāng)他把錢包撿起來的時(shí)候，她的駕照掉了出來。強(qiáng)尼跑回母親的房間說：“現(xiàn)在關(guān)于你的問題我都知道答案了。你36歲了，體重127磅，還有爸爸離開你的原因是因?yàn)槟阍趕ex上的考評(píng)是F！”（got an 'F' in sex，孩紙啊，你想歪了，那是“性別：女”啊……）
Little Johnny... Definite Definition 小強(qiáng)尼-肯定的定義
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue.""That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."幼兒園老師說：“我們今天要做詞匯題了。誰能在句子里運(yùn)用“肯定”這個(gè)詞？”瑪麗舉了手大聲說：“我我我！”老師說：“你說吧，什么句子？”瑪麗回答：“天空肯定是藍(lán)藍(lán)的。”“回答得不錯(cuò)，瑪麗”老師點(diǎn)評(píng)道：“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的�！鄙侥放e手說道：“草地肯定是綠色的�！崩蠋熣f：“回答得不錯(cuò)，山姆，但是草地也可能是棕色的�！毙�(qiáng)尼舉手問道：“屁會(huì)結(jié)成塊兒?jiǎn)幔俊崩蠋熣f：“不會(huì)的，強(qiáng)尼，你為什么問這個(gè)問題？”小強(qiáng)尼回答：“好吧，我“肯定”大便在褲襠里了�！�
經(jīng)同意轉(zhuǎn)載自：
簡(jiǎn)短英語笑話篇三：英語短笑話
? What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
(Jon)
? Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem? (Scott)
? What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)
? How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)
? Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window. (Kyle Burglie)
? Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead)
? Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)
? What is green and smells?
Hulk's fart.
(Azbar Kahleed)
? Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)
? You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)
? Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We're in her right now.
? She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world. She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)
? Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P.
Monaghan)
? Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window. (M. P. Monaghan)
? How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...
? How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
? Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
? What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.
? Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
? Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
? What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
? What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
? Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
? Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
? Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. ? Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
? Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
? Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.
? How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. ? How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.
? How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
? Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin
? You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris
? I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
? I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Carol Leifer
? I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple.
Ed Bluestone
? I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that". Jay Leno
? Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
? What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
? Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
? How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
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