奧巴馬白宮幽默演講
發(fā)布時間:2017-02-05 來源: 幽默笑話 點擊： 
奧巴馬白宮幽默演講篇一：奧巴馬在2016白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴的演講英文全文
奧巴馬在2016白宮記者協(xié)會晚宴的演講英文全文|附段子解析 "奧巴馬最后以致敬籃球運動員科比的方式扔掉麥克風，并說'Obama,out', 大步流星的走下舞臺，令人唏噓。"
美國時間上周六晚間，美國總統(tǒng)奧巴馬在他最后一次的白宮記者協(xié)會的晚宴上，又一次段子手上身，不但狂黑各大媒體，對Hillary、Trump，Ted Cruz等正激烈競爭總統(tǒng)寶座的候選人們也毫不留情。這篇演講非常精彩。
CARAOL: Mr.President. The podium is yours.
THE PRESIDENT: You can’t say it, but you know it’s tr-ue.
開場音樂是Anna Kendrick的“When I’m Gone”，這句話是在玩這個梗，因為奧巴馬即將卸任（be gone）。
Good evening, everybody. It is an honor to be here at my last — and perhaps the last — White House Correspondents’ Dinner. You all look great. The end of the Republic has never looked better. I do apologize — I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on
C.P.T. — which stands for ―jokes that white people should not make.‖ It’s a tip for you, Jeff.
1, C.P.T是指Colored People's Time，吐槽黑人被說遲到。
2，反擊紐約市長Bill de Blasio此前關于C.P.T的玩笑。Bill de Blasio之前在另一個場合遲到，于是開了一個玩笑I am running on CP Time.結果全場陷入尷尬。
Anyway, here we are. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. And I am excited. If this material works well, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans. That’s right.
1，這里吐槽希拉里在高盛（Goldman Sachs）演講賺了幾十萬美元的事情。
2，Tubmans這里指錢，因為Tubmans是20美元紙幣上的頭像。
My brilliant and beautiful wife, Michelle, is here tonight. She looks so happy to be here. That’s called practice — it’s like learning to do three-minute planks. She makes it look easy now.
Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be. But standing here, I can’t help but be reflective, a little sentimental. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific.
1，奧巴馬用She就是暗指希拉里一定是下屆總統(tǒng)。
2，8年前，他想努力改善一下政治環(huán)境（the tone of our politics），后來的more specific吐槽這個環(huán)境其實越來越差了。
Eight years ago, I was a young man, full of idealism and vigor, and look at me now. I am gray and grizzled, just counting down the days ’til my death panel. Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call — now I’m awake anyway because I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’m up.
全程都在自黑
In fact, somebody recently said to me, Mr. President, you are so yesterday; Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you — he’s so handsome, he’s so charming, he’s the future. And I said, Justin, just give it a rest. I resented that.
Meanwhile, Michelle has not aged a day. The only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me. Take a look.
繼續(xù)自黑自己顯老，而Michelle一點沒變。
Here we are in 2008.
Here we are a few years later.
And this one is from two weeks ago.
So time passes. In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority. And Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is going to take some getting used to, it’s really going to — it’s a curve ball. I don’t know what to do with it.
吐槽自己將要下臺（lame duck），大家也越來越不把他當回事了。下面說英國小王子George和他見面時穿著浴袍，就感覺自己被呼了一巴掌。
Of course, in fact, for months now congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year. Unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. But on everything else, it’s another story. And you know who you are, Republicans. In fact, I think we’ve got Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they’re in the house, which reminds me, security, bar the doors! Judge Merrick Garland, come on out, we’re going to do this right here, right now. It’s like ―The Red Wedding.‖
1，unfortunately在開玩笑其實自己并不想來這場晚宴。
2，吐槽之前提名大法官，共和黨遲遲不做反應，所以想bars the door，然后就地解決。
3，The Red wedding是《權利的游戲》里面的梗，看過的都知道場面有多震撼吧：）。
But it’s not just Congress. Even some foreign leaders, they’ve been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face. A clear breach in protocol. Although while in England I did have lunch with Her Majesty, the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron — just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate.
在吐槽自己是不是being black enough，因為他說的那些活動都是很白人的。
I won’t lie — look, this is a tough transition. It’s hard. Key staff are now starting to leave the White House. Even reporters have left me. Savannah Guthrie, she’s left the White House Press Corps to host the Today show. Norah O’Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN. 講Journalism和CNN做對立，吐槽CNN做的不算是新聞。（畫面里的Jake Tapper本人表情好尷尬）
奧巴馬白宮幽默演講篇二：奧巴馬白宮就職演講稿
january 20,2009
my fellow citizens:
i stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. i thank president bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.
forty-four americans have now taken the presidential oath. the words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. at these moments, america has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
so it has been. so it must be with this generation of americans.
that we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
these are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that america’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
today i say to you that the challenges we face are real. they are serious and they are many. they will not be met easily or in a short span of time. but know this, america - they will be met.
in reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. it must be earned. our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. it has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. rather, it has been therisk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
for us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.
for us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the west; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
for us, they fought and died, in places like concord and gettysburg; normandy and khe sanh.
time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. they saw america as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
this is the journey we continue today. we remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on earth. our
workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. our capacity remains undiminished. but our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking america.
government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. where the answer is no, programs will end. and those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to
spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that america is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
recall that earlier generations faced down fascism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. they understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
we are the keepers of this legacy. guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. we will begin to responsibly leave iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in afghanistan. with old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming pl
to the muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. to those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the west - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. to those who cling to power through
corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
to the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. and to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’
s resources without regard to effect. for the world has changed, and we must change with it.
as we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. they have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in arlington whisper through the ages. we honor them not only because they areguardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. and yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
for as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the american people upon which this nation relies. it is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest
hours. it is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.our challenges may be new. the instruments with which we meet them may be new. but those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. these things are true. they have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. what is demanded then is a return to these truths. what is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every american, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
this is the price and the promise of citizenship.
this is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that god calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.this is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.so let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. in the year of
同胞們：
我今天站在這里，因為面前的任務而感到謙卑，因為你們的信任而心存感激，同時銘記先輩們做所出的巨大犧牲。感謝布什總統(tǒng)為這個國家做出的貢獻，同時也謝謝他在整個政權交接期間表現(xiàn)出的慷慨與合作。
迄今已經(jīng)有44名美國人宣誓就任總統(tǒng)。這些誓詞曾出現(xiàn)在繁榮的上升趨勢和如水般平靜的和平中，當然，也經(jīng)常會出現(xiàn)在烏云密布和狂風暴雨之時。在這各種時刻，美國一直在繼續(xù)前行，這不僅僅是因為執(zhí)
政的技巧或者有先見之明，而是因為我們的人民一直在堅守先輩們的理想，忠實履行我們的建國宣言。過去是這樣，這一代的美國人仍將會堅持這樣做。
眾所周知，我們目前正處在危機之中。我們的國家正在對暴力和仇恨宣戰(zhàn)。我們的經(jīng)濟也被嚴重削弱，這是一些人貪婪和不負責任的后果，但在做出艱難選擇和準備迎接新時代方面，我們出現(xiàn)了集體性的失誤。房屋失去了；工作丟掉了；商業(yè)蕭條了；我們的衛(wèi)生保健耗資巨大；我們太多的學校不合格；每天都能找到更多的證據(jù)表明我們利用能源的方式使得對手更加強大，并且威脅到了我們整個星球。
這些數(shù)據(jù)和統(tǒng)計都是危機的表現(xiàn)特征。雖然無法具備測量，但產生的深遠影響是我們的信心受到了侵蝕--擔心美國的衰退不可避免，擔心下一代會降低他們的期待。今天我要向你們說的是，我們面臨的挑戰(zhàn)是真實存在的。這些挑戰(zhàn)很多，而且非常嚴重，它們不會輕易地或者在短時間內就能得以解決。但大家也必須認識到，美國，終將會解決這些困難。今天，我們聚集在這里，是因為我選擇用希望來戰(zhàn)勝恐懼，用團結來戰(zhàn)勝沖突與分歧。今天，我們來到這里將結束悲戚和錯誤的承諾，拋棄指責和教條主義這些扼殺我們政治的東西。我們仍然是一個年輕的國家，但現(xiàn)在應該摒棄充滿孩子氣的行為，重申我們不朽的精神；選擇我們更好的歷史；宏揚那些珍貴而且高尚的理念，并將這一代一代地傳遞下去。上帝認為天下眾生皆平等，眾生皆自由，而且都應該擁有追求幸福的機會。
在重申我們國家的偉大時，我們必須明白，偉大絕對不會是一種饋贈，而是要靠我們去努力爭取。我們的征途從來沒有捷徑，也不屬于那些膽怯懦弱、消譴工作或者只追求財富名利的人。為了我們，他們整理起自己不多的物品開始穿越大海尋找新的生活；為了我們，他們在血汗工廠辛苦勞作，忍受著皮鞭的抽打并且犁開堅硬的土地；為了我們，他們在諸如康科得、蓋茨堡、諾曼底等等地方作戰(zhàn)并獻出生命。這些男男女女們不停地奮斗和犧牲，一直工作直到雙手生疼，目的只是為了過上更好一些的生活。在他們的眼中，美國比他們個人的報負更加重要，也比所有出身、財富或者宗派之間的差別更加重要。這就是我們今天仍在繼續(xù)的征程。我們仍然是世界上最繁榮、最強大的國家。當這場危機開始后，我們工人的生產力并沒有下降；我們的思想也沒有失去創(chuàng)造力；我們現(xiàn)在需要的商品和服務，并沒有比上周、上月或者去年減少；我們的生產力并沒有降低。從今天開始，我們必須振作起來，拂去身上的灰塵，重新開始振興美國。
環(huán)視周圍，到處是要做的工作。目前的經(jīng)濟狀況要求我們采取大膽和迅速的行動，我們將采取行動，不僅是創(chuàng)造新的工作崗位，而且是為經(jīng)濟的增長奠定新的基石。我們將建設道路和橋梁、電網(wǎng)和數(shù)字網(wǎng)絡，它們將為我們的商業(yè)活動服務，把我們聯(lián)系在一起。我們將使科學回歸其位，應用科學技術來提高醫(yī)療的質量并降低其費用。我們將利用太陽能、風能、潮汐能來驅動我們的汽車，運營我們的工廠。我們將變革我們的學校、學院和大學以滿足新時代的需求。這些是我們能夠做的，我們將做這一切。
現(xiàn)在，有些人質疑我們的雄心壯志。他們稱，我們的制度不能容忍太多宏偉的計劃，他們很健忘，因為他們已忘記了這個國家曾經(jīng)作過的事情，忘記了自由的男女在想像力和共同目標、必要性和勇氣相結合的情況下所能取得的成就。
憤世嫉俗者未能理解的是，他們腳下的土地已發(fā)生了變動，過去那種消耗我們太長時間的陳腐的政治爭論將不會重現(xiàn)。我們今天問的問題將不是我們的政府是過大或者過小，而是它是否有效-它是否能幫助家庭找到可支付體面工資的工作，向他們提供可支付得起的醫(yī)療服務，提供有尊嚴的退休。當答案是肯定時，我們就會推動這一項目。當答案是否定時，我們就會結束這一項目。我們所有管理公共資金的人將在這一篇二：奧巴馬 就職演講稿
-----以下為演講全文(已更新為華爾街日報翻譯的版本，謝謝157樓的朋友提醒)-----如果還有人對美國是否凡事都有可能存疑，還有人懷疑美國奠基者的夢想在我們所處的時代是否依然鮮活，還有人質疑我們的民主制度的力量，那么今晚，這些問題都有了答案。這是設在學校和教堂的投票站前排起的前所未見的長隊給出的答案；是等了三四個小時的選民所給出的答案，其中許多人都是有生以來第一次投票，因為他們認定這一次肯定會不
一樣，認為自己的聲音會是這次大選有別于以往之所在。
這是所有美國人民共同給出的答案－－無論老少貧富，無論是民主黨還是共和黨，無論是黑人、白人、拉美裔、亞裔、原住民，是同性戀者還是異性戀者、殘疾人還是健全人－－我們從來不是“紅州”和“藍州”的對立陣營，我們是美利堅合眾國這個整體，永遠都是。長久以來，很多人一再受到告誡，要對我們所能取得的成績極盡諷刺、擔憂和懷疑之能事，但這個答案讓這些人伸出手來把握歷史，再次讓它朝向美好明天的希望延伸。
已經(jīng)過去了這么長時間，但今晚，由于我們在今天、在這場大選中、在這個具有決定性的時刻所做的，美國已經(jīng)迎來了變革。
我剛剛接到了麥凱恩參議員極具風度的致電。他在這場大選中經(jīng)過了長時間的努力奮斗，而他為自己所深愛的這個國家奮斗的時間更長、過程更艱辛。他為美國做出了我們大多數(shù)人難以想像的犧牲，我們的生活也因這位勇敢無私的領袖所做出的貢獻而變得更美好。我向他和佩林州長所取得的成績表示祝賀，我也期待著與他們一起在未來的歲月中為復興這個國家的希望而共同努力。
我要感謝我在這次旅程中的伙伴－－已當選美國副總統(tǒng)的拜登。他全心參與競選活動，為普通民眾代言，他們是他在斯克蘭頓從小到大的伙伴，也是在他回特拉華的火車上遇到的男男女女。
如果沒有一個人的堅決支持，我今晚就不會站在這里，她是我過去16年來最好的朋友、是我們一家人的中堅和我一生的摯愛，更是我們國家的下一位第一夫人：米歇爾·奧巴馬(michelle obama)。薩莎(sasha)和瑪麗亞(malia)，我太愛你們兩個了，你們已經(jīng)得到了一條新的小狗，它將與我們一起入駐白宮。雖然我的外祖母已經(jīng)不在了，但我知道她與我的親人肯定都在看著我，因為他們，我才能擁有今天的成就。今晚，我想念他們，我知道自己欠他們的無可計量。
我的競選經(jīng)理大衛(wèi)·普勞夫(david plouffe)、首席策略師大衛(wèi)·艾克斯羅德(david axelrod)以及政治史上最好的競選團隊－－是你們成就了今天，我永遠感激你們?yōu)閷崿F(xiàn)今天的成就所做出的犧牲。
但最重要的是，我永遠不會忘記這場勝利真正的歸屬－－它屬于你們。
我從來不是最有希望的候選人。一開始，我們沒有太多資金，也沒有得到太多人的支持。我們的競選活動并非誕生于華盛頓的高門華第之內，而是始于得梅因、康科德、查爾斯頓這些地方的普通民眾家中。
我們的競選活動能有今天的規(guī)模，是因為辛勤工作的人們從自己的微薄積蓄中拿出錢來，捐出一筆又一筆5美元、10美元、20美元。而競選活動的聲勢越來越大則是源自那些年輕人，他們拒絕接受認為他們這代人冷漠的荒誕說法；他們離開家、離開親人，從事報酬微薄、極其辛苦的工作；同時也源自那些已經(jīng)不算年輕的人們，他們冒著嚴寒酷暑，敲開陌生人的家門進行競選宣傳；更源自數(shù)百萬的美國民眾，他們自動自發(fā)地組織起來，證明了在兩百多年以后，民有、民治、民享的政府并未從地球上消失。這是你們的勝利。
我知道你們的所做所為并不只是為了贏得大選，我也知道你們做這一切并不是為了我。你們這樣做是因為你們明白擺在面前的任務有多艱巨。因為即便我們今晚歡呼慶祝，我們也知道明天將面臨我們一生之中最為艱巨的挑戰(zhàn)－－兩場戰(zhàn)爭、一個面臨危險的星球，還有百年來最嚴重的金融危機。今晚站在此地，我們知道伊拉克的沙漠里和阿富汗的群山中還有勇敢的美國子弟兵醒來，甘冒生命危險保護著我們。會有在孩子熟睡后仍難以入眠的父母，擔心如何償還月供、付醫(yī)藥費或是存夠錢送孩子上大學。我們亟待開發(fā)新能源、創(chuàng)造新的工作機會；我們需要修建新學校，還要應對眾多威脅、修復與許多國家的關系。
前方的道路會十分漫長艱辛。我們可能無法在一年甚至一屆任期之內實現(xiàn)上述目標，但我從未像今晚這樣滿懷希望，相信我們會實現(xiàn)。我向你們承諾－－我們作為一個整體將會達
奧巴馬白宮幽默演講篇三：奧巴馬2012白宮記者年會演講
奧巴馬2012白宮記者年會演講：精彩吐槽脫口秀
2012年05月03日 09:53
來源：滬江英語網(wǎng)
字號:T|T
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大選年，奧巴馬為了贏得選舉自然不肯放過任何一個推銷自己的機會。在這次的白宮記者協(xié)會招待晚宴的演說中，奧巴馬犀利吐槽、大度自嘲，用幽默給自己加分不少。
Host：Could someone back there please turn off the President's mic? I think the President's mic is hot, please turn it off. Thank you. Thank you. 后臺哪位幫忙把總統(tǒng)的麥克風關一下？我覺得總統(tǒng)的麥克風沒有關，請幫忙關一下，謝謝，謝謝。
（首爾核峰會上奧巴馬與梅德韋杰夫的私聊由于沒關麥克風被曝光，之前的G20戛納峰會中同樣因為沒關麥克風而曝光了他與薩科齊的私聊，兩次事件都在國內掀起軒然大波。）
Obama：Great. I gotta get warmed up. I...I'm so in love...God! I totally had that. Seriously guys, what am I doing here?
太棒了，我來個熱身。我??我太愛你??（一月份演講時他唱過Al Green這首歌）天哪！我真是擅長唱歌！說正經(jīng)的各位，我來這是干什么的？
I'm the President of the United States, and I'm openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclear codes, why am I telling "knock knock" jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway?
我可是美國總統(tǒng)啊，我竟然為吉米·凱莫（ABC電視臺深夜脫口秀主持人）熱場？我是手握核武器的統(tǒng)領（美國總統(tǒng)有一只廣為流傳的“核按鈕手提箱”，里面存放著啟動美國核武器的密碼），干嘛要來這給卡戴珊講“敲門”笑話？她到底為啥出名呢？
（卡戴珊最著名的標簽是“帕麗斯·希爾頓的好友”，她是羅伯特·卡戴珊的女兒，奧多姆的大姨子�？ù魃阂蛐詯垡曨l而出名。）
That's it. Next year we send Biden. Now you're right. It's way too risky.
我受夠了。明年讓拜登替我來好了。你說得對，這么干太危險。（拜登可是口誤帝）
Wow, look at my hair. It really went gray. Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the "Just For Men" scale. I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.
哇，看我的頭發(fā)。一片灰白��！你說我要是染黑一點會有人發(fā)現(xiàn)不？按照“Just For Men”（著名染發(fā)產品）的標準，我如今只剩5分黑了。我覺得我要是染成6分黑也應該不會有人注意吧。
Is the teleprompterworking? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what I'm saying tonight.
提詞器準備好沒？（自嘲演講全靠提詞器）開什么玩笑？那我一會上場怎么說話�。课腋静恢澜裢硪f點什么。
Man! I could really use a cigarette right now.
唉，現(xiàn)在真想抽根煙！（自嘲以前是煙鬼）
Okay, okay, I'm going. God forbid we keep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.
好了好了，這就上場。誰敢讓查克·陶德（美國國家廣播公司政治中心主管）和Glee劇組久等啊！
Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.
女士們先生們，掌聲有請美國總統(tǒng)！
Obama：Thank you! Good evening everybody. Good evening! I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight at the White House Correspondents'Dinner. That is great crowd. They're already laughing. It's terrific.
謝謝！晚上好各位，晚上好！今天我懷著無比激動的心情來出席白宮記者晚宴。這觀眾太好了，還沒開始就笑成這樣，太好了！
Chuck Todd -- love you, brother. I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here. And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man. What’s so funny?
查克·陶德，哥們我愛你哦！我很高興見到Glee劇組也到場了。還有吉米·凱莫，真是榮幸啊!有啥好笑的？
My fellow Americans, we gather during a historic anniversary. Last year at this time -- in fact, on this very weekend -- we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notoriousindividuals.
親愛的美國同胞們，我們歡聚在這具有歷史意義的周年紀念日。去年的這個時候，實際上正是在同一個周末，我們終于將世界上最臭名昭著的惡人正法。（“大惡人”Trump中槍，去年晚宴被猛烈吐槽）
Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people. So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama. My mother was born in Kansas. My father was born in Kenya. And I was born, of course, in Hawaii.
今年，在白熱化的大選季我們再次聚首，Axelrod（奧巴馬的顧問）說我不應該錯過任何重新向美國人民介紹自己的機會。所以今晚我打算就這樣開場：我名叫貝拉克·奧巴馬，我母親出生在堪薩斯，我父親出生在肯尼亞，而我出生在：當然是夏威夷。（自嘲出生證明事件）
In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormouschallenges. Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W. Bush. Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences; yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots. And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight. Let’s give them a big round of applause.
2009年我就任總統(tǒng)時面臨眾多艱巨挑戰(zhàn)�，F(xiàn)在許多人說我把太多問題歸咎于前任身上，但大家別忘了，這樣的做法是小布什首創(chuàng)的。（這句本身就是推給 前任）從那時起，國會跟我就矛盾不斷，但我盡量保持風度，從不陰損吐槽。所以我今天要特別感謝那些從無所事事的百忙之中抽空到場的國會議員。（這就是 cheap shot陰損吐槽啊）大家把熱烈的掌聲獻給他們吧。
Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena. 盡管險阻重重，但自我上任以來，許多事都有所改變，四年前，我跟希拉里在初選中斗得你死我活；四年后，她一喝多就從Cartagena給我發(fā)短信（希拉里最近走紅的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓門的發(fā)生地）。
Four years ago, I was a Washington outsider. Four years later, I’m at this dinner. Four years ago, I looked like this. Today, I look like this. And four years from now, I will look like this. That’s not even funny. 四年前，我是首都政界圈外人；四年后，我出現(xiàn)在白宮晚宴上。四年前，我長這樣；四年后，我長這樣；再過四年，我就會長成這樣了（摩根·弗里曼）。一點也不好笑。
Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper. I mean, look at this party. We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a
GSA conference. Unbelievable. Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.
總之，我很高興今晚來到這宏偉輝煌的希爾頓舞廳，或者用羅姆尼的話來說叫“日久失修的小破屋”（暗指羅姆尼是富二代）。我想說，瞧這派對，有穿著燕 尾服的紳士，穿晚禮服的淑女，醉人美酒和一流演出——聽說這不是GSA大會我才放心（聯(lián)邦政府總務署公款吃喝事件）。難以置信��！連讀心術都看不到他們腦 子里的想法（指腦袋空空）。
Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the promof Washington D.C. -- a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.
當然了，白宮記者晚宴又被成為“首都畢業(yè)舞會”。發(fā)明這個詞的記者顯然從沒真正參加過真正的畢業(yè)舞會。
Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel -- who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’s audience is in his key demographic-- people who fall asleep during Nightline. Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show. In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.
我們今晚的“監(jiān)護人”是吉米·凱莫（指畢業(yè)舞會的成年監(jiān)護人），他是這個職位的不二人選，因為今晚觀眾都是他的目標人群:那些看 Nightline（凱莫節(jié)目之前播出的晚新聞）睡著沒關電視的人。吉米多年前在“男人秀”出道。在華盛頓，“男人秀”是關于女性避孕藥品的國會聽證（聽 證會全是男人出席）。 And plenty of journalists are here tonight. I'd be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize. You deserve it, Arianna. There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day. Give them a round of applause. And you don’t pay them -- it's a great business model. 今晚眾多媒體人到場，我必須要恭喜“赫芬頓郵報”獲得普利策獎。Arianna（該報女掌門），你們當之無愧！沒人能像你們一樣每天“鏈接”到這么多的犀利新聞（指赫芬頓郵報的新聞都是盜用別家鏈接）。請把掌聲獻給他們。你們還不付原作者錢，這是偉大的經(jīng)營模式��！
Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show -- which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious. A little soy sauce. 連佩林都重返舞臺了，在“今日秀”做嘉賓主持。這使我想起一句老話：“冰球老媽和牛頭犬有什么不同”（這句的內涵是說二者一樣）。牛頭犬的味道好極了。（自嘲6歲吃狗肉事件）再加點醬油。
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